Doubting Her Doubt in Forever
by sleepintheharding
Summary: Aria held Ezra's hand and squeezed it, uttering six painful words that pierced through his heart. "I don't believe in us anymore." Aria Montgomery didn't believe in forever, and it was time to say goodbye. (Probably a one-shot.)


**I hope the timeline of this story stands for itself and isn't confusing, but just in case:**

**Regular= present**  
**Italics = past**

**When she's in his apartment, the italics represent her thinking about the past.**

**I run the Twitter account ezriagame with a few other people, so if any of this story seems familiar, it's because I stole my own ideas I previously tweeted. (Follow if you haven't already!) And also follow me on SleepntheHrding.**

**My Ezria heart is shattered, so this is the result.**

* * *

Aria Montgomery was enamored with _Sesame Street _as a toddler_._ So much so, that she told her mother she was going to marry the Cookie Monster. Justin, the blonde-haired boy she chased at recess in first-grade, was to be her future prom date. And In sixth grade, she scribbled "Noel Kahn" repeatedly over her notebooks. But she got over the Cookie Monster, and she never asked Justin to prom, and she threw away the notebooks. And with that, she learned to throw away the concept of _forever. _

Aria Montgomery didn't believe in forever.

She stared at a frame on her lap—one that held a photo she had taken with Ezra over the summer. A perfect summer filled with many breakfasts in bed, lazy afternoons napping on the couch, and sweaty—and _very naked_—nights under the sheets. But the summer ended, and the days became short and cold. And so did her relationship with Ezra Fitz.

With a heavy sigh, she opened the back of the frame and slipped the photo from its secure place. She held it in her hands and allowed herself a few more moments with the precious memories before she threw it away in the trash bin beside her bed. A reluctant tear ran down her cheek and fell onto Ezra's chest in the photo.

He was always there to catch her tears.

Her bedroom door suddenly opened and she quickly shoved the photo underneath her pillow, but it was too late—her mother caught her sneaking a final glance at a dead happiness.

Ella sighed from the doorway, giving Aria a sympathetic smile. She sat next to Aria on the bed and placed a comforting hand on her daughter's knee. "I know it's hard. He was your first serious relationship, but I promise that it will get easier every day."

Aria forced a smile, a difficult task in recent days. "Not when I see him every day and have to pretend like I barely know him," she shook her head and frowned, "when I know him better than I know myself."

Ella put her arm around Aria's shoulders and pulled her close. "Maybe this won't last forever."

Aria nodded. "Our break up is the only forever I believe in."

They were never meant to have a happy ending. He was only a chapter in her life, and she was ready to turn the page.

* * *

"_Where do you want to go for your birthday?" Ezra sat on his bed in nothing but a pair of striped, navy blue boxers, a typical morning in their summer of bliss. He dipped his spoon into the bowl of cereal resting on his legs and took a bite. _

_Aria wore his oversized t-shirt and a pair of panties, leaning into his side. Her legs were crossed in front of her, a bowl of cereal between them. She bit her bottom lip and looked down into her bowl, as if it suddenly became extremely interesting. "I haven't decided yet."_

_Ezra squinted his eyes and looked at her with a suspicious gaze. "I know you very well, Aria. You know exactly where you want to go."_

_Aria was seventeen—almost precisely seventeen, as tomorrow was her birthday—but she didn't feel like a teenager. She was far too logical, too mature, to ever feel right labeling herself as such. While her peers gushed about their significant others via Facebook statuses, Aria was underneath her former English teacher. Quite literally._

_They didn't use the word "love" until nearly two months into their relationship, yet she knew more love existed between herself and Ezra than any of the horny teenagers in her high school. And to her surprise—that perfect summer almost led her to believe in "forever."_

_Aria took a deep breath and exhaled. "I think I want to get a tattoo," she confessed._

_Ezra raised his eyebrows, his eyes went wide. "Aria Montgomery wants to get a tattoo? Of what? A unicorn?" He let our a nervous laugh. "You hate tattoos."_

"_Only because I don't want to regret an ugly unicorn inked permanently onto my ass or something." She smiled and finally made eye contact with her boyfriend. "But I'll never look back and regret what I have with you."_

_He didn't understand the tattoo, but he nodded anyway, and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. Ezra understood one thing: He'd never give up eating cereal in his underwear with Aria._

* * *

Her bras still lived next to his socks in the second drawer from the bottom. Her favorite hair dryer sat underneath his sink next to an unopened package of tampons. Her lavender bathrobe hung next to his much-larger blue one. (She always preferred to use the blue one.)

Aria attempted to leave her house unnoticed, quietly moving her feet down the stairs holding a couple empty boxes. But lately, Byron noticed everything his daughter did; he was weary after he missed so much before.

"Aria, I thought you could eat dinner with me and Mike." He sat in the living room with a book in his hands, as if he were guarding the front door.

Her feet didn't stop. "I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?"

She stopped and sighed in irritation, rolling her eyes. "I'm going to Ezra's."

Byron put the book down on the table and looked at her sternly. "I thought you two ended things? You can't go there, Aria. Not while he's your teacher."

She adjusted the large boxes in her arms. "Relax, Dad. I just need to grab my things from his place." She hoped the large empty boxes were obvious enough.

"Fine, but please be back by 6," Byron instructed, picking his book up again. "And be careful."

"Trust me, I'm just grabbing my stuff and leaving. I don't want to be there any longer than I have to."

* * *

"_Do you want to go first?" _

_Aria and Ezra held hands as they walked down the sidewalk leading to the tattoo shop in New Hope. She had researched several places before finally choosing one that would do the job right. Okay, so it wasn't exactly a masterpiece that needed to be created, but it certainly represented a masterpiece. _

"_No, you can go first," she told him. It wasn't the pain that scared her. It was the commitment. While he was always certain, she was always apprehensive. "I'm nervous."_

_Ezra opened the door and a bell chimed, signaling their arrival. Aria wondered what the tattoo artists would think—this nerdy couple walking in getting their first tattoo. Together. Oh, how romantic. Or how utterly cliche and familiar. _

"_May I help you?" A woman in her late 20s greeted from the front desk, her arms covered in tattoos. "Let me guess. First tattoo?"_

_Aria nodded and gave an anxious smile. "Is it that obvious?"_

_The woman laughed and waved her arm. "Don't worry about it. Let me guess, matching tattoos?"_

_Aria and Ezra both nodded. "Again, is it that obvious?" Aria asked._

_The young woman smiled and ignored the question. "What can I do for you? I have an appointment in two hours, so it can't be—"_

"_No, it's really small. It's just three numbers," Aria interrupted. "Or a letter and two numbers."_

_The woman nodded and looked at them skeptically. "I think I can do that, but we have a rule in this shop."_

_Aria's stomach flipped, and she was ready to walk out the door and try a different shop. A place that didn't ask her if she was over 18, assuming that was what the woman was about to say._

"_You have to tell me the story behind the tattoo."_

_Ezra looked down at Aria and smiled. "I think we can do that," he told her. "Do you like scandal?"_

"_Are you kidding? I give discounts for a good scandalous story."_

_Aria laughed. "Hopefully we'll walk out of here with free tattoos, then."_

* * *

Aria lay on her stomach across the floor as she tried to reach for one of her bras underneath Ezra's bed. How it got there, she didn't know, but she assumed it happened sometime in the summer—a time that felt like a surreal fantasy. The awkward silence was too loud for either of them to tolerate.

"Your new teaching assistant seems very nice," Aria lied in a poor attempt to make small talk. She hated that woman, but she couldn't let Ezra know that.

Ezra nervously laughed from the couch as he watched her struggle to reach. "Yeah, she's nice, but won't stop hitting on me."

"_I've noticed," _Aria thought. "Maybe you should go out with her," Aria suggested. "She's pretty."

Ezra shook his head. "I kind of just got out of a serious relationship, Aria. And she's not really my type."

The tension in the air only thickened.

Aria gave up on trying to retrieve the bra and stood up, straightening her wrinkled shirt. "I guess I'll grab my stuff from the bathroom." She took a box from on top of Ezra's bed and brought it into the bathroom, piling whatever was hers into it. Her toothbrush, the hairdryer, the tampons, some makeup.

And her barely-used bathrobe.

_Aria emerged from the bathroom wearing Ezra's oversized bathrobe. It reached the floor and smelled just like him._

"_You realize you have your own robe in there? The one I bought you for Christmas so you'd stop using mine?" Ezra told her, slightly annoyed._

"_But mine doesn't feel like you," she pouted, sitting down at the kitchen table. _

_He put a cup of coffee down in front of her. "What am I supposed to use?"_

_Aria shrugged and took a sip of the coffee. "Air dry?" she smirked. _

_Ezra rolled his eyes. "I'm taking a shower."_

"_Feel free to air dry out here!" she called to him before he shut the door. _

_Fifteen minutes passed before he exited the bathroom wearing Aria's robe, which barely reached the top of his thighs. He walked into the kitchen and Aria nearly spit out her coffee, erupting into a fit of giggles. "What the hell, Ezra."_

"_Now your robe will feel like me," he told her._

Aria bit the insides of her cheeks to prevent herself from crying as she folded the bathrobe and placed it on top of the box. She opened the shower curtain to retrieve her bottles of shampoo, but they were nearly empty. She lifted the box and brought it back into his apartment.

"These bottles are empty. Do you want to recycle them or should I just throw them away?" she asked, holding them up for Ezra to see.

Ezra looked at the shampoo bottles in Aria's hands and pretended to contemplate their destination. "Just...no, it's okay. Put them back in the shower. I'll get rid of them," he cleared his throat, "...later."

Aria raised an eyebrow, silently questioning why she couldn't just throw them away.

"My apartment is already a mess. It will be easier if you just leave them there for now," he lied.

_Aria climbed into bed and nestled her head in the crook of Ezra's neck, pulling herself close to his body. He wrapped his arm around her and held her._

"_You smell like Aria," he told her sleepily, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. _

_Aria looked at him and giggled. "I am Aria."_

"_It's my favorite smell." He kissed her on the nose._

"_Or my shampoo is your favorite smell." She kissed him on the lips._

_Ezra shook his head and inhaled her scent again. "No, my favorite smell is definitely Aria."_

Aria returned the shampoo bottles to their spot in the shower and smiled a small, sad smile, wondering if Ezra's favorite smell was still Aria.

* * *

_Aria sat on a bench in the center of the tattoo shop with her arm rested on a stark white table beside her. Ezra had pulled up a chair and was sitting next to her, his wrist wrapped in a small, white bandage. _

_The tattoo artist picked up the needle and slowly inched toward Aria's wrist. "Ready?" _

_Aria nodded and closed her eyes as the first burst of pain pulsated through her arm. _

_Ezra cleared his throat to grab Aria's attention. "Are you sure you don't want me to hold your hand, Ar?" he asked in a calm, comforting voice. _

_Aria glared at him. "I'm fine, Ezra," she snapped, then shut her eyes tight and winced. She discreetly moved her hand onto Ezra's thigh, silently taking back what she had just said. He squeezed her hand, not saying another word._

"_You told me the story behind the tattoo, but I don't understand why it's scandalous," the woman noted in an uninterested tone as she worked on Aria's wrist. _

"_Ezra didn't tell you about the next day," Aria began, "when I showed up to English class and this guy," she lifted Ezra's hand in the air, "was my new teacher."_

_The woman's eyes doubled in size. She put the needle down for a moment and let her jaw drop, looking at Ezra. "How are you not in jail?" _

"_I quit my job for her," he explained, "but we may have secretly dated for a few months while I was her teacher." He looked at Aria with a loving gaze. "There isn't much I wouldn't do to make Aria happy—like getting a tattoo on her birthday." _

_The woman directed her focus back to Aria's wrist. "To be honest, I thought you two were just like every other couple that walked in here asking for matching tattoos." She stopped and looked up. "But I actually like you, so maybe you're different."_

* * *

Aria opened Ezra's kitchen cabinets, looking for her favorite travel mug she had left there a few weeks prior. His counter held a few takeout containers, presumably from lunch.

"I see you've been eating vegan takeout," Aria pointed out. "I knew you actually liked it."

"I ordered too much since I'm...," he hesitated, "used to splitting it. You can have some if you want."

"No thanks, I'm eating dinner with my Dad and Mike as soon as I grab the rest of my things." She finally found her mug and placed it in a box. She would be leaving his apartment, soon. This time, she'd be leaving for good.

"_I hate this stuff," Ezra said in disgust, placing the takeout carton on the coffee table. "I don't know why I give in every time."_

_Aria placed her empty carton on the coffee table next to Ezra's and turned to face him. "Thank you." She put her hand behind Ezra's neck and pulled him down close to her face, pressing her lips passionately against his. _

_Ezra pulled away from the kiss for a moment. "It tastes much better after it's been on your lips." _

"_Oh, really?" she breathed into his ear seductively. "Maybe you'll want to order it more often, now."_

Aria walked across the apartment to Ezra's dresser and opened the bottom drawer, retrieving her collection of bras and panties. She blushed as she quickly stashed them in her purse, hoping that Ezra wasn't watching her. They represented far more than a bottle of shampoo or a bathrobe. It was a sign of their intimacy, their lovemaking.

A distraction was needed. "You know, I watched Chinatown the other day with Spencer, and I actually stayed awake."

"Are you saying I'm boring?"

_It's impossible to stay awake when I'm that comfortable in your arms, _she thought. "No," she said.

Ezra nodded and nervously scratched the back of his neck. Two small boxes of junk was all that remained of the eighteen months they spent together. Aria zipped up her purse and swung it over her shoulder.

"Do you need help bringing everything to your car?" he offered.

"I can manage." She stacked two boxes on top of each other and took a final look around his apartment, from his desk, to his typewriter, and finally—to his bed.

Ezra caught her staring at what used to be their sacred ground. "Do you want to..." he trailed off, unsure of himself, "just one last time?"

Aria thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. It would be far too painful. "We shouldn't," she answered. "We can't." A long silence hung in the air. "Ezra?"

"Yes?"

"Would you take everything back if you could?" she asked him, her arms crossed in front of her. "Would you go back and never fall in love?" She looked at the small tattoo covering her wrist and frowned.

The long silence returned. He remained sitting on the couch. She stood near his bed.

"I'd never take back the year I got to spend with Aria Montgomery. Not for anything in the world."

Aria moved her eyes from her wrist to Ezra and managed a weak smile. "Me neither." She wasn't ready to say goodbye. "Maybe we need," she took a deep breath, "closure." She eyed the bed once again.

Ezra got up from the couch and slowly approached Aria. "Only if you want to," he stressed, not wanting to force her into anything she didn't want to do. "You know I only want you to be happy, Aria. I don't want to make this harder than it needs to be."

She reached for his hands and looked him in the eyes. "I want to."

* * *

_Aria sat on a bench in the center of Rosewood waiting for Ezra. The tattoo on her wrist was created months ago, yet suddenly it caused more pain than ever before. It was the only thing holding her back from what she was about to do. She couldn't let a happy memory distract her from the miserable reality she'd been living in._

_Nothing about their relationship felt right anymore. _

_Ezra walked up to her, and the look on his face indicated that this "talk" wasn't leading to anything positive. He sat beside her and rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Are you okay, Aria?"_

_She shook her head and the tears began to trickle down her cheeks. "I love you just as much as I always have, but—" She held his hand and squeezed it, uttering six painful words that pierced through Ezra's heart. "I don't believe in us anymore."_

_And after all that they'd been through, Ezra Fitz was tossed in the trash next the Cookie Monster and Noel Kahn. Today a painful heartbreak, tomorrow a silly, juvenile fling with her high school English teacher. Another useless attempt at forever._

_Aria Montgomery didn't believe in forever._

* * *

The sacred ground became sacred one last time as Aria lay underneath her English teacher, their naked bodies working together just as beautifully as they had in the summer. How could their relationship feel so wrong, when making love always felt so right? He attached his lips to hers with all the passion that had been missing from their lives, their tongues greeting each other for the very last time.

It was the only proper way to say goodbye. It didn't require words or forced smiles. For hours, they were lost in their own world, only focusing on their former lover's body. His lips pulled away from hers and pressed against the warm, sweet skin of her breasts, her neck, her entire body, each receiving a pleasureful moan from Aria's lips. He didn't want to forget to say goodbye to a single inch of Aria's body. And for Aria, the feeling was mutual.

Aria wrapped her legs around Ezra and pulled him as close as possible, feeling him inside of her for what was likely the last time. He held her hand tightly in his grasp as he moved above her, their fingers interlocked above Aria's head.

It only took a second for her to open her eyes and see their wrists together, and she escaped from the fantasy world she had escaped to. The tattoos they received in the summer linked together: two hearts, only an inch across, both with "B-26" inside of them. And she started crying.

She was scared. Confused. But she realized, maybe that's how people find their soul mates. Soul mates are the people who make you realize that forever isn't such a scary word. Soul mates are the reason you know forever is possible.

Ezra saw the tears running down her cheeks and stopped moving within her. "Don't cry, don't cry," he quietly soothed, his eyes full of worry. "Are you okay? Do you want to stop?"

Aria shook her head on top of the pillow case. "I'm okay. We're okay," she promised. "Please don't stop."

Ezra nodded and leaned down to give her a soft, gentle kiss on the lips, before they escaped to their own world where nothing was wrong, and everything felt right.

Aria Montgomery didn't believe in forever—until she met Ezra Fitz.

* * *

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